WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING ON TO?

    WORDS OF WRATH

Lightning lashed and thunder clashed
Branches trembled, trees toppled.
Wind swirled in unceasing torment
Rain pounding a tantrum on window panes.
Night sky dark, foreboding in its eerie emptiness
As words tumbled from lips of anger.
Unbidden, without premeditation
Heart pounding in rapid succession of fury
Leaving debris in the wake of the tornado
Only ruins of a relationship that might have been.

~Marcell Warner Bridges
©5 February 2014
Revised 12 February 2014

I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. But before I get to what I really want to say, I need to add some back story.

A couple of years ago I was in a situation that tore me from limb to limb. It stripped me of every emotion I could have. I couldn’t eat and I barely slept. It was that bad. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. It was one of those situations that leaves a person feeling as if their prayers are bouncing off the ceiling and He’s not listening.

It was suggested to me to write down what I was feeling. To write a letter to this person I was struggling with but not send it to them. Just to get the emotions and the words out. I did. I remember that night of sitting up until 2 AM crying my eyes out and typing. Six pages later I still didn’t feel finished with it, but I was spent. I lay down and slept the night away for the first time in at least two months.

That wasn’t the only “letter” I wrote. I had about 4 of them before it was all over with. I never did send any of them to anyone. But they’ve been sitting here on my computer ever since then, staring me in the face every time I open my word program. I’ve not read any of them in over a year until tonight.

Why tonight? As I said, I’ve been thinking about this for awhile now and the whole idea of forgiveness. I’m a big believer in it. Not just because the Bible tells us to forgive. Not just for the one we ask forgiveness from, but for ourselves. Forgiveness gives us peace. Forgiveness gives us a new breath in life. Forgiveness gives us freedom. Forgiveness makes things new again.

But by keeping those letters on my computer, had I really forgiven my friend? Had I really given it to God to set it right in my own heart? Or was I just holding on to it all to keep reminding myself of why this person doesn’t deserve my friendship or my trust? I said I forgive them. I said I’d never stop being their friend. Yet, I realized one day that by holding onto these letters, perhaps I really didn’t mean it after all.

Tonight I re-read the letters. Then, I deleted them. Not just once, but for good out of my computer. I never printed them off so that’s it. I don’t have them anymore.

You know what? Not only did I not cry, I didn’t feel any of the pain anymore. I didn’t feel mad or even angry. I didn’t feel any of those feelings I used to feel. As a matter of fact, it feels like  heaven.

 Photo by Karen Culley
SOUL RESTORATION

Restored, rejuvenated, refreshed
the heart that once trembled with anger
the eyes that once cried torrents of tears
the mind that once screamed insults
and the feet that walked in fear
no longer flinch at the thunder
 or cower from bolts of lightning
as the wind sweeps softly anew
and the bondage of darkness
is given over to the brightest day
a rainbow promise God’s forgiving grace.

~Marcell Warner Bridges
©22 May 2014

 
All other pictures by: © Tee-Tee Barnes Photography, 2014
© Heart Thoughts, Marcie Bridges 2014
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COMING UP FOR AIR

“The Spirit of God has made me, And the breath of the Almighty gives me life.”  Job 33:4 (NKJV)
Tuesday morning 10:00 couldn’t come soon enough. The end of another chapter in a long book that I’m not sure how it will end…or when.  The endless hours of studying, reading, writing, and typing all coming to an end giving me a breather for a few short months until it will begin all over again. I wasn’t sure I was going to make it to the end of the semester this time.

If you’ve read my blog for very long, you know that I am in college studying for a Bachelor’s of English Degree with the goal of going into the editing/publishing field.  This has been my Junior year. A year in a new university, new professors, new concepts I am still not quite sure I understand all of but, with God’s wisdom, I will eventually have that “lightbulb” moment once again that I’ve had so many other times in life.

I have felt very absent in life lately though. As you can see, this is my first blog post in what? At least a month? I found myself drowning in homework. In the last 4 weeks of this semester I was challenged with 8 term papers. Two of them were redo’s. As deadlines loomed and I felt myself wondering once again what in the world I am doing in college. I often think this during the hardest times; the most stressful times each semester. Then finals came and I genuinely thought I was going to “lose it” for sure. My sense of humor was fading fast.

BUT…I persevered.  So HELLO AGAIN WORLD! I’m coming up for air and I sure do like what I’m breathing now. Looking forward to a summer filled with adventures with my family and friends (and being as creative as possible!)  Thank you all for your prayers and support through this difficult time for me. Thank you for reading my blog postings even while I’ve been away. You all are the bestest!

 
If this sounds like previous posts, I do apologize for that. I just wanted to let you know that I am still here. It is summer break and I am sooooo ready to get back into creative writing and sharing more poetry with you! I tried to take notes along the way during my captivity to remember ideas and thoughts I want to share with you. Creativity has seemed quite elusive lately but here’s a short Facebook status I meant to share with my friends while putting boundaries around myself during these last few weeks in order to get my work done on time. I forgot to share it then but, maybe it will make you smile.

I might have worn this shirt yesterday
and maybe even these jeans.
I think I’m standing up straight
but, I might be on my head.
Can’t really tell you if I’m alive or dead
one thing I know for sure:
I turned my homework in on time.
I think?

No matter how suffocated you feel right now. No matter how much you have to do and just looking at the mess takes your breath away, come up for air with me for just a minute. **Breathe in Jesus. And remember that He is using every thing we go through to bless us and to help us bless others. Cause just as Francesca Battistelli sings: “In the middle of my little mess I forget how big I’m blessed… Might not be what I would choose, But this the stuff You use”. Hope you enjoy her song!